Tuesday, 4 May 2010
On Monday a man with a hammer lurked in the bushes of Regents Park ready to pummel me to death. Tuesday an intoxicated motorist pursued me in an urban hot rod. On Wednesday I escaped knife wielding maniacs, oncoming trains and a near electrocution. Yesterday lightning, a flood and myriad other natural phenomena closed in on me. Now there is an angry cuckold on the fourth floor waiting to blast my brains out. He thinks I’m having an affair with his wife. He is of course mistaken, but that is beside the point.
I have escaped 23 unaccountably strange deaths in this small town this week. But disaster is drawing in around me and now, to top it all The Morning Star is reporting that North Korea has given the United Nations a final ultimatum. By Sunday the entire planet will be in the same precarious position as me. I am the only man in the world with the power to change it all.
Read the rest of it here: