A Tribute to The Dead Robots' Society
Road Map to
Mark Lee Pearson
There was once a scientist called Kaiser, who built two robots. She fitted them both with the exact same model of positronic brain. She called one J-Max and the other T-Mix. The two robots were exactly like humans in every respect. They could eat and drink, they could think and feel, and they even had the capability to die.
As an experiment Doctor Kaiser cultured two positronic viruses to infect the positronic brains. She called the viruses The O virus and the P virus--after the two philosophers Bertrand Outliner and Ludwig Pantser--respectively. She then infected one brain with the O Virus and one with the P Virus.
The scientist then set both robots the same task. To plan a vacation for himself. Robot J-Max planned to drive to Memphis. Robot T-Mix decided on a dice-throw to take a plane to the North. He wasn't sure where, he would just figure out the route as he went along.
Robot J-Max purchased a map and a navi for his automobile. He typed his route into routefinder.com and chose the easiest way to get there. Then he searched the internet for a decent steak house and a comfortable motel. He even sought out the cheapest gas stations en route. While surfing the Internet he found by chance there was an all night showing of Lord of the Rings in the local theatre. J-Max rubbed his metallic hands together in glee and booked tickets.
When T-Mix saw J-Max writing out his plan in the greatest detail he scoffed at him, saying, "I'm just gonna get on the plane and see where it takes me. It's more exciting that way."
Doctor Kaiser waved goodbye to them on Saturday morning and they both set off.
J-Max drove carefully and at a steady speed all the way to Memphis. He arrived after lunch and spent the entire afternoon sightseeing and enjoying the ambience of The King's house. Then he treated himself to a steak house meal and rounded off the evening at the drive-in movie theatre watching the Lord of the Rings Trilogy back to back. It was a perfect holiday, thought Robot J-Max.
Robot T-Mix was kidnapped by a character in a green hat on the way to the airport. She said her name was Eliyanna and that she was on the trail of a Ripper Robot, but she was really a bounty hunting drummer called Ryan in disguise. This was gonna be some holiday, thought T-Mix as they drove south with him tied up and gagged in the trunk of her BMW.
Robot J-Max returned on time. He now makes a living writing interminable travelogues and selling them online to pre-paying customers.
Doctor Kaiser has recently traced Robot T-Mix to a brothel on a minor planet in the 70 Virginis System in the year 1969. The bounty hunter sold him as sex slave to a Time Traveling minx from Erotica V, and he still lives out there taking each day as it comes.
Doctor Kaiser and Robot J-Max are planning a way to free him from the clutches of the evil tentacle queen.
The last we heard Doctor Kaiser was working on a way to combine the two viruses.